I have been up and down. A lot of my mood has had to do with the uncertainty, being in limbo, not knowing where I am going, what I will be doing. For a while I was to be able to put it to rest, happily going with the flow and dealing with it as it comes. Right now, not so much.
For the last year I have been packing and unpacking, packing and unpacking. Gone from house to house, country to country, to another country, another apartment, moving again on Tuesday to another house and possibly yet another after that. My tools and belongings still at the other side of the world. I feel unsettled, dislodged.
Thankfully the sun has been shining these last few weeks. Every day I go for a long walk along Wellington’s beautiful waterfront. I relish the absence of crowds, the peace, the stillness. I breathe it in and out, in and out, as I walk with my bare feet through the water’s edge. It recharges me.
Having only a small table and few materials and tools at my disposal, I have been limited to working with paper, water colour paints and a craft knife. But as Iris Eichenberg said: Limiting your material creates freedom.
Experimenting with colour and cutting into the paper. It has been a strangely satisfying action… cutting over and over until it tears, feeling a bit morbid but at the same time meditative and soothing. The result is not unlike our world today; ripped and torn.
Our ideas about relationships, money, social status and security are being challenged. Some of us are in a position to choose, some are being forced by current circumstances to let go of beliefs, to look at the world around us and reflect on our values. Can we use this as an opportunity to create a more equal and just world, where we look after each other as well as our environment?
Nothing is permanent. Security is an illusion. Non-attachment means happiness that comes from an internal place rather than being dependent on external conditions. Something I struggle with as much as the next person, which is why I want to keep looking at it, examining and practising it.
